Today I've been feeling super overwhelmed with Harvest School and Tete plans. I'm leaving home for 5 months and I've never been away from home for more that 3 weeks. This is crazy.
So basically, I woke up freaking out about how long I'll be gone and how fast my departure date is coming up. Then, I went to babysit all day. Then I came home and cried on the couch with my mom for a long time and prayed and worshiped. My mom is amazing. Seriously. She will lift me up in prayer even when I don't think I need it. I love it. After our little Jesus time/sob fest we took a walk outside to clear our heads.
One thing that we discovered on our walk was that this is all part of the process. A big theme in my life recently has been that God wants me to be a LIVING SACRIFICE for Him. I thought that's how I have been living, until I started planning this trip. This is a huge step in letting myself go. I'm giving up 5 months of my life to follow Jesus' lead. I'm giving up my family, my friends, all of the holidays and my birthday with my family, comfort, air conditioning, constant communication online and on my phone, southern food, my bed, sweet tea, and so much more. But thats the whole point!
He is allowing me to die to myself. When there is a death in the family, there is always a mourning time. I think that's what I'm going through right now. I've been so worried and teary the past few days. This is God allowing myself to die so that He can come in and be in control of EVERYTHING. That's the LIVING part of the sacrifice. It's HIM ALIVE inside of me! I just need to stop trying to figure it all out and let Him take care of it, while still listening to Him for what I need to be doing.
I've lived my whole life in a bubble. It's time to break out and follow Him. How could anything bad happen to me? I'm sitting in the palm of my Papa's hand! He's already provided SO many of the finances. I'm so blown away! So, why wouldn't He take care of flights, visa, communication, relationships, and everything else?!
Keeping my eyes focused on His face and His heart and plan for me. I'm called to lay myself down and let Him take over. So that's what I'm going to do. Prayers are appreciated:)